From L.T.’s Chair

Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain, or another smart guy once said something along the lines of, “It is better to keep quiet and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Lately, I’ve been hanging out with lots of introverts. I’ve learned a couple of things from them. The first is the simple observation that in conversation we all know what we’re about to say, but we don’t know what the other person is thinking. To learn, it’s best to keep our mouths shut and listen. I nodded as I heard this, and reflected that it’s a variation of what every elementary school teacher says at least five million times a day.

The second introvert observation was much more surprising. When I think about the stereotypical leader, I think about someone who’s charismatic, who’s well-spoken, who, well, leads. The way you lead is by getting others to follow you.

But there’s another type of leadership. Rather than “leading,” there are folks who “pace.” Pacing basically means listening attentively and trying to match the person you’re having a conversation with. If they’re excited and loud, you incorporate that into how you respond. If they’re reflective and quiet, you match that, etc.

Interestingly, people who pace are able to achieve higher levels of rapport. When someone “paces” us, we tend to feel more understood and accepted. When we feel this way, we become much more willing to follow a leader.

When researchers tried to assess what made for the best psychologist, they hit upon some unexpected results. You’d think that the best psychologists were the ones who were most experienced or best-educated or who followed a specific therapeutic philosophy. But the psychologists with the best results were the ones who had the warmest relationships with their clients. In other words, the best psychologists were the ones who were able to “pace” their clients.

I’ve been looking at different leaders and analyzing how much they practice “leading” and “pacing.” So far, it’s been surprising just how powerful “pacing” is. More on that soon!

This entry was posted Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 11:25 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.